


It's not Christmas Without Yuu

by PageOne_2020



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: AKA getting Kanda and Allen together over the holidays, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Expect many d.gray-man characters, F/M, Lenalee and Lavi are married, Lenalee will do anything for her friends (and her sanity), M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PageOne_2020/pseuds/PageOne_2020
Summary: "Don't you see? If we get them together, they'll quit arguing.""Ok, but…""I'll get a quiet Christmas." A peaceful one. No arguing, no name-calling, no vase-throwing. They could actually go five minutes playing scrabble without Kanda accusing Allen of fixing the tiles. Or without Allen gift-wrapping coal to the only one armed with a sword.Lenalee was getting teary-eyed just thinking about it.The redhead wasn't quite convinced. "Uh, Lena, are you sure? That's kind of-""Lavi."  He met her eyes. Lenalee made sure she had his attention before offering a bit of sage advice.  "Happy wife, happy life, remember?"And just like that, he was sold.Slapping a pair of flour-covered hands together, Lavi's face took on a grave look she hadn't seen since he first proposed.  "What are we waiting for?"
Relationships: Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker, Lavi/Lenalee Lee
Comments: 14
Kudos: 39





	1. Believe

Lenalee wanted to have a good Christmas. A Christmas surrounded by her friends and their extended family (including, this year, some of her brother's work friends). A family with her new husband, Lavi, spent at Bookman's old cabin, playing games and enjoying the fresh snow.

She wanted to have a good Christmas. A peaceful and enjoyable Christmas.

_Bang_

She was going to have a good Christmas, God damn it.

_Bang_

_Crash_

"Your _other_ left, genius."

"Tell me that, you ass," Kanda growled.

"Maybe you should clean out your ears."

"Maybe you should shut up."

"How am I going to give you directions if I'm keeping my mouth shut?" Something shattered, then Allen cried out in pain. "That was my foot, you prick!"

Lenalee looked skyward, taking a breath.

She needed strength. Or earplugs. Maybe that was the trick.

"Lavi."

The redhead, who was supposed to be chopping apples, was looking out the kitchen window, laughing his ass off at their two friends.

"Think Komui's going to miss that vase?"

All the laughter in the redhead's throat died upon seeing his wife's expression.

"Uh, um, I'm sure we can ta- er, glue it back together. He'll never notice."

"We can't have a Christmas like this," Lenalee sighed, eyes flitting towards the still-bickering figures in the yard. The tree they were supposed to be carting inside was currently lying in three-feet snow, already guaranteeing it would be bald on one side. "Are those two ever going to stop?"

Lavi's face broke into a soft smile with a shrug. "I can send them to the store for eggs if you want. It'll delay them a few hours."

Lenalee frowned, tucking a strand of shoulder-length hair behind her ears. "I just want them to get along. I want everyone to get along this year. With Cross recovered from getting shot and your grandfather finally home, I just…"

"Hey, it'll be fine," Lavi assured, stepping away from the counter to envelope his wife in a warm hug. He smelled like apples, cinnamon, and leather, half-exposed arms touching hers. "You're making everyone's favorites. We've got the tree, presents, games. It's going to snow. It'll be great. Probably the best Christmas ever."

Lavi, red hair hanging around his face, tilted down to plant a kiss on her forehead. And even standing there with him, fireplace crackling in the background, oven preheating, Lenalee couldn't help a nagging feeling in her brain. A nagging voice that this was just an omen of worse to come.

"Besides, that's just unresolved feelings talking. They don't mean any of it."

…And freeze.

"What unresolved feelings?"

Lavi opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, the backdoor popped open. Kanda was the first through the door, snow boots dragging on the mat.

"Who the hell leaves the tree stand in the car, baka?"

"The one whose hands are full of tinsel! That stuff isn't really reusable each year, ya know. What, does it look like I've got extra arms somewhere?"

"Extra stupidity, sure."

"You guys lose the tree on your way here?" Lavi quipped, chest vibrating against Lenalee's back.

Two pairs of glaring eyes flipped their way.

"Can it, Usagi."

"Shut up, Lavi."

The two, having spoken at exactly the same time, immediately started glaring at each other.

"Ugh, god, guys, take those lusty eyes somewhere else."

Despite his tone, Lavi was smirking. He used his wife as a body-shield the next moment when Kanda made to wring his neck. Just for that, Lenalee was about to throw him to their angry friend, but fortunately, either the body-shield worked or Allen's nagging did because Kanda quickly returned to their tree-stand search "before their toes could freeze."

Lavi, chuckling, returned to his apple-chopping at the counter.

Lenalee didn't, thoughts still hung-up on what he'd mentioned earlier. "What unresolved feelings?"

Lavi paused mid-chop. It was a second before he remembered the conversation they'd had earlier about their bickering friends. "Uh… Romantic ones, I think?"

"…Allen and Kanda. Romantic feelings. For each other."

A shrug. "What else could it be?"

Lenalee was about to say 'hatred', until her husband's words started to sink in.

Allen and Kanda… in love?

It was crazy. It sounded absolutely crazy. The two class idiots- well, the class idiot and class clown, who did more bickering and yelling at each other than most ex-wives and their ex-husbands, were in love.

But- no wait, it could make sense. They argued. Which… could be a sign of affection. People only really bothered arguing with others when they cared about them, right? That meant… on some level, Allen and Kanda cared about each other.

But was that 'caring' the same as… _caring_?

On the other hand… did it matter?

"Lavi."

"Hmm?" he asked, attention back on the apple pies.

"We've got to get those two together."

He stopped. Again. Turned to his wife. "Uh, why do we have to-"

"Don't you see? If we get them together, they'll quit arguing."

"Ok, but…"

"I'll get a quiet Christmas." A peaceful one. No arguing, no name-calling, no vase-throwing. They could actually go five minutes playing scrabble without Kanda accusing Allen of fixing the tiles. Or without Allen gift-wrapping coal to the only one armed with a sword.

Lenalee was getting teary-eyed just thinking about it.

The redhead wasn't quite convinced. "Uh, Lena, are you sure? That's kind of-"

"Lavi."

He met her eyes. Lenalee made sure she had his attention before offering a bit of sage advice.

"Happy wife, happy life, remember?"

And just like that, he was sold.

Slapping a pair of flour-covered hands together, Lavi's face took on a grave look she hadn't seen since he first proposed.

"What are we waiting for?"

* * *

Lavi and Lenalee, despite being in the same marriage, had vastly different ideas regarding romance. Which was why Lenalee ended up taking charge. Since it'd been her idea in the first place.

The first plan was simple. It revolved around the basic principle of all people who were secretly attracted to one another: sex.

Lavi was skeptical.

"I'm just saying. Seeing someone naked doesn't automatically mean sex."

"It does with you."

The redhead smirked. "That's because we're married." A glance towards the doorway. "Those two are a bit different."

She shrugged. "You said they're secretly in love, right? It should work."

"Kanda's stubborn."

The determination in her eyes almost rivaled that from the previous day. "So am I."

He smirked. "I know."

Since their resolution to get their best friends together, three days had passed. Christmas was five days away. They still had a handful beyond that to get their friends in a romantic relationship.

Lenalee planned on moving faster. She wanted a peaceful Christmas, dammit.

Four days. She was going to do it in one.

"Alright, do you know what you have to do?"

Lavi nodded. The two of them were hiding in the kitchen – their base of operations for the biggest Christmas Plan since hiding gifts from Marie and Miranda's twins.

The plan was foolproof. It operated on the understanding that nudity led to sex. Especially when both parties had unspoken attraction for each other.

As Lavi had reminded her, Allen and Kanda – especially Kanda – were stubborn. So stubborn that they'd been playing this game of hate and sort-of-hate for the last seven years, their tense relationship withstanding the emotional turmoil brought by high school crushes and college exams. Dancing around each other like a pair of peacocks who hadn't decided on a mating dance.

That aggravation ended today.

"Has Allen gone into the shower yet?"

Lavi shook his head. "I'll watch and let you know on the walkie-talkie. You'll only have a ten-minute window."

Allen usually took a long shower. Unless, of course, there was a large homemade breakfast just about to come out of the oven. "Right."

Lavi pocketed his own radio, giving her another cocky grin before slipping out of the kitchen. From her position at the granite island, Lenalee could just see the back of the living room couch and the hallway from where she was. She needed to snag someone to finish watching the quiche, but it was almost impossible to see anyone from where she was.

Fortunately, Bak arrived.

"Hi, Lenalee," he greeted with a soft smile, dark-blonde ponytail swaying against his neck. "Just came to see if you needed some help."

"Hey, Bak, I didn't see you come in," the Chinese woman stepped over and wrapped the other in a quick hug.

When she stepped back, Bak was blushing, for some reason. "Uh, yeah, Fo wanted to come early and catch up with Allen a bit."

"Has she found him yet?"

"No, I guess he's still getting ready."

Good. Their plan was still in motion.

" _Harry and Marv are in the zone. Over."_

Bak turned to the walkie-talkie, sitting alone on the counter, with a suspicious expression. "What's that?"

"Uh… just the twins. Playing a spy game."

"You sure? That sounded a lot like La-"

"Heeeey, Bak, can you watch the quiche? I'm going to bring Kanda something to drink."

"Uh, sure," the blonde agreed, attention successfully diverted from the device. "Where is he?"

"Out chopping wood."

"…you guys have a wood-burning fireplace?"

Lenalee shrugged, surreptitiously tucking the walkie-talkie in her back pocket, and making a mental note to get some better code words. "It's an old cabin."

"Right. Bookman's. I forgot."

"Thanks Bak!" The other waved with a chuckle, already out the back door with her plate of tea and fruit.

A very _full_ plate. Carrying a sweetened beverage that wouldn't dry easily.

Lenalee wouldn't call herself conniving. She just… liked helping people. And admittedly her schemes had gotten more complex with her age, but this was really for Kanda's good. And everyone else's.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

The wood cabin came with several acres of forest, and beyond that, they were surrounded by miles of forest service. It was isolated, beautiful (especially covered in snow, like now), and had plenty of room to run around (both inside the cabin and out). Exactly when Bookman bought it or how much he paid for it was still a mystery, but Lenalee had gotten attached to the place in the seven years she'd been visiting.

Although the wood-burning stove was a real pain.

Good thing she had muscular friends who didn't mind a little hard labor (plus there was indoor plumbing and gas heating so it wasn't like they had to sweat for everything out here).

Kanda was in the yard out back of the cabin, along the edge of the frozen lake. The snow around him was half-melted, a stack of fresh-chopped logs sitting neatly beside the chopping stump.

The Japanese man had been at it since seven, the past hour accumulating sweat, muscles, and a determined frown to his face. Kanda had divested his jacket, in his undershirt with a long-sleeve shirt tied around his waist.

_Allen's a lucky man._

"Lenalee," the taller man said by way of greeting, setting his ax down. His breath was coming in heavy white puffs, hands wiping at the line of sweat on his brow.

"Good morning, Kanda! I brought you some tea," Lenalee explained, stepping closer. Seven feet away. Five. "I, uh, put some honey in it because I thought-"

The Chinese woman felt a small pang of guilt – a very small pang – when she tripped on a nonexistent piece of rock.

It was luck and maybe a bit of skill that had everything on her tray flying right at Kanda's chest. Over-soft berries smashed against his pristine white shirt; The tea, steaming in the cool winter air, poured all down his clothes.

Kanda, ever a gentleman (most of the time), spent more time trying to catch Lenalee than worrying about the mess.

"Oh my God, Kanda, I'm so sorry," she pleaded, biting her lip, purple eyes scanning the ruined undershirt.

The Japanese man didn't much seem to care, hand gripped around Lenalee's forearm. "…I should shower anyway."

"Jeez, are you Ok? The tea wasn't hot, was it?"

It wasn't – she'd made sure beforehand – and Kanda shook his head to confirm. "It's fine." He then bent down to get the fallen dishes.

The food wasn't a problem. Timcanpy – Allen's golden retriever – had arrived on the scene and was eager for scraps; as Lenalee watched, the blueberries and eggs vanished down his gullet, toast pieces not far behind.

"Um, you can use our shower. Come on."

Kanda grabbed his jacket and obediently followed, Tim left behind to clean.

She took him through the sliding door in the living room. There were two bathrooms on the first floor one in the bedroom and the other in the hall. Fortunately Kanda didn't know about the first since he always stayed upstairs.

The shower in the hall was already running.

"Ah – I think Lavi left it on," Lenalee lied, internally overjoyed Allen wasn't the type to sing in the shower. "I'll go find you a towel."

Kanda bought it.

He gave Lenalee another acknowledging nod before opening the oak door and stepping inside.

Perfect. Perfect. It was working. Kanda would go in there, see Allen, the two would uncover their repressed feelings and by dinner time her Christmas would be-

"Lenalee?"

Lenalee stopped. Turned.

And came face-to-face with Allen Walker.

_It couldn't be._

Her British friend was fully clothed. He looked like he'd just finished getting dressed, hair already dry and smelling of soap.

_But if he's out here, then who's-_

"Why hello, Kanda~"

Oh god.

"What the fu- Cross?!"

"No need to be shy. You did come all this way."

"Get your hands the fuck off of- What the fuck!"

_Smack_

Something crashed – hopefully not the curtain rod – and the door slammed open. Lenalee barely moved in time to keep from getting whacked by it.

Allen wasn't so lucky.

_Whack_

"Ow! Watch where you're going, Bakanda!"

Kanda wasn't even paying attention.

From the terror-mixed-with-shock in his eyes, the wet handprint beside the tea stain on his shirt, and the bruise on his knuckles, Kanda had more important things on his mind.

Allen didn't take long to catch on.

"Wait, who's… what were you doing in the bathroom with-"

Lavi, coming out of their bedroom, turned the corner just in time to see Kanda punch Allen right in his already-bruised face.

And that was how the first Bookman Christmas Brawl began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it's not Christmas. Sometimes you just need a little holiday cheer even when it isn't the holidays.
> 
> I've got this planned out to be around 4 or 5 chapters. FYI, there won't be anyone from the Noah clan in the story. Sorry if that's what you're looking for... just not giving me the holiday vibe (ironic since their names come from biblical figures but whatever)
> 
> Otherwise, thank you for reading. I'd love to hear your comments if you have time!


	2. Deck the Halls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it's been a while. I got a little carried away with the family shenanigans this chapter XD. Thank you so much for your comments, kudos, and bookmarks, and I hope you like it.

It went without saying that her first plan had been an utter failure.

That was fine. Very few succeeded on the first try. Lenalee wasn’t about to give up because of one setback.

After getting ice packs, milk, ibuprofen, and a one-hour visit from their neighbor down the way (she was definitely more than a nurse, but since no one remembered her name, that was what everyone called her), the Christmas holiday was finally back on track.

Lenalee had been careful yesterday not to get drawn into the borderline bar-fight that had taken place in Bookman’s very own Christmas cabin. And, while most of the residents could still move, it went without saying that Komui’s vase wasn’t the only thing they’d have to replace by the New Year.

The rest of yesterday had been spent playing a very tense game of Risk, followed by some much-needed isolation found in countryside walks (for those that weren’t on bed-rest). After a night of much moaning and groaning, it was now the next day and most of the tensions had eased with sleep. The kids (some of whom were grandkids, in Tiedoll’s case) had arrived, and Christmas was about to really get underway.

It was time for a Plan B.

Which was why her an Lavi had assembled in the kitchen on day two of the Christmas gathering. Lavi sat at the island counter holding a bag of frozen peas to the still-purple eye. His lip was healing, so he didn’t look half gorilla anymore, but it wasn’t well enough that they could kiss without some serious wincing and whining. Which was too bad, because Lenalee was really hoping to make use of that mistletoe in her decorations box.

_Wait a second…_

“Lavi.”

“Mm,” he groaned, single emerald eye shifting her way.

“I’ve got another idea.”

Instead of jumping for joy like she hoped, he frowned, looking less than enthusiastic. “You know, Lena, I’m down for just about anything to help out our friends,” _or torment them,_ she could hear him adding mentally, “but maybe we should just leave them alone for a few days.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… maybe I was wrong.”

“Wrong? You’re the one that said they had unspoken feelings for each other.”

“Yeah, but…” Lavi shrugged, then winced. “Did you see how Yuu decked our little beansprout yesterday? Allen’s right eye is so swollen he kinda looks like Panda. Hell, gramps could probably pass him off as a true Jr. Bookman for the next day or so.”

“All couples fight.”

“Yeah, but they don’t deck each other just because the in-laws get a little frisky. Maybe we should wait until other… uhm, holiday tensions aren’t so high.”

Lenalee sighed, leaning across the island to meet his emerald gaze. “I see what you’re saying, Lavi, but we’ve been doing this for years. _Years_ , ever since Allen first transferred into high school. Do you realize how _long ago_ that was? Things are going to be hectic next year, and I just… I want things to go right this time.”

Lavi reached across the cool granite countertop, taking her hand with one of his and using the other to re-adjust the frozen vegetables on his face. “Is it going to end up in another fist fight?”

“Of course not.” Or she didn’t think it would, anyway. _And even if it did…_ Lenalee tilted her head towards the freezer at the hidden bags of recently-acquired veggies. “And if it is, I stocked up.”

Lavi tried for a smile but didn’t quite make it when it pulled the cut on his cheek. “So, what’s your new plan?”

She smirked, making a point to meet his eyes. “Mistletoe.”

His single emerald eye narrowed, as if trying to picture it. “Not a bad idea.”

“I know, right? I haven’t busted that stuff out in years.”

“How exactly are ya goin’ to get them underneath it?”

Lenalee opened her mouth to answer but… that was actually a good question.

She was saved from thinking up any ideas when three figures came bounding into the kitchen. “Um, Lenalee?”

“Oh, good morning, Miranda!” Lenalee smiled, coming around the granite island to see the pint-sized five-year-olds at her ankles. “And good morning, boys. Are you hungry?”

Despite the early hour, both brunettes were bright-eyed and bushytailed, different sets of mahogany and gold eyes blinking up at her.

“We want to dec’rate,” one of them said. It might have been Hans – Lenalee remembered he did most of the talking.

“Decorate? You mean… like the tree?”

Both twins glanced at each other and shook their heads. “Outside,” the one with the lighter hair answered.

Lenalee looked to Miranda for an explanation. And, with a sheepish smile, she was quick to provide. “Um, they were talking about putting some lights up outside. Is that alright with you?”

Lenalee opened her mouth to agree, but then…

She was struck with an idea. “Miranda, that’s brilliant!”

“It… is?” her smile waned some, unsure if their plan was worthy of such exuberance.

“Yes! You’re a genius! Let’s go get my brother up – he’s got a key to the shed, I think. That’s where Bookman keeps those things, right, Lavi?”

“Yeah. He should,” the redhead answered, brushing red hair from his face.

The twins were overjoyed. They didn’t wait for the OK before racing out of the kitchen to track down Komui. Miranda barely managed to catch up before they disappeared upstairs.

“Lavi.” Lenalee grinned, hand propped on her hip, “I think I’ve got a plan.”

* * *

Bookman’s cabin was picture-perfect. Surrounded by pine trees and fresh air, it was perched just on the edge of the water and the base of one of the many mountains in the area, picturesque and feeling like home the moment Lenalee had set eyes on it. It was even more beautiful nestled in three days’ worth of snow, pleats of white covering the shingled roofs and surrounding pine trees. It was picturesque, the place everyone imagined spending their Christmas vacation.

Unfortunately, it’s size made decorating a challenge.

Not just because it was two stories high, but because it was spacious, wrap-around porch and large family sitting areas included. With nine different bedrooms and an over-large living room with a literal wall of vaulted-ceiling windows, it had more than enough room to accommodate their friends and then some. 

Fortunately, there were plenty of extended family members to help and volunteers to either bake snacks or drive into town to get the ones Lenalee had pre-ordered.

After several boxes of the decorations were successfully unloaded, decorating tasks were quickly divided – Tiedoll and his boys were tackling the icicles while Fo and Bak worked on the yard. The twins were already pitching in, Miranda following behind the five-year-olds as they ‘gave advice’ on the best place to hang things.

The past three days’ worth of snow left a thick three-foot layer of powder over everything. Someone had cleared the gravel driveway at least, leaving room to place boxes and organize extension cords. The sun was even making an appearance, grey-silk clouds mostly dispersed overhead.

Everything was just getting underway, Lenalee waiting for her mistletoe-containing box to be uncovered. Meanwhile, the other family were in the process of divvying up the tasks.

It wasn’t going well.

“Dad- Watch it!” Daisya cried, tattooed eyes pinned to the roof top.

“I’m doin’ just fine! There was… a little ice, but I’m fine!”

Tiedoll didn’t look fine. His thin hands were hanging on for dear life to the second-story roof, dangling thirty feet up and boots making kicking motions as he searched around for the ladder he’d been standing on. Lights were wrapped around his right ankle and somehow snow had landed in his voluminous hair.

Oh god.

“Tiedoll?! Are you okay?!” Lenalee cried because… the last thing they needed this holiday was a trip to the hospital. Especially if it meant one of the cheeriest members of the gathering with a concussion and broken bones.

“Crazy old man,” Kanda cursed, running inside to rescue his adoptive father. Marie was right behind him, storming in with all the quick reaction times brought by raising two five-year-olds. A few minutes later the two could be seen climbing out the second-story bedroom window, working together to rescue Tiedoll before he slipped any farther.

It wasn’t until all three were back on the ground floor, alive and snow-speckled, that they let out a collective sigh of relief.

“Dad, what the hell were you thinking?” Daisya chuckled, trying to play off his relief with humor when Tiedoll sat down in a rocking chair.

“I guess my balance isn’t quite what it used to be. Just let me rest and I’ll-“

“Take a breather, old man. Stay down here. I’ll finish it.”

Tiedoll's face beamed, touched, clutching his heart and acting like Kanda had just saved kittens from a burning building. “Yuu, you’re worried about me? My boy! I love you t-“

“Oi, old man! Never mind. Go risk your life for some decorations. Moyashi. Wait up, I’ll take that.”

“Worry about your dad, Bakanda. I can carry it.”

Kanda _tsk_ ed and didn’t wait for an affirmative before hefting the wicker light-up angel twice Allen’s size.

Tiedoll looked crushed as Kanda stormed off but was distracted when Marie started dusting the snow from his shoulders, Daisya taking a seat beside him with some excuse about resting his feet. Lenalee went inside, and ten minutes later came out with steaming hot tea. Tiedoll took a cup, grateful.

“Guess I’ll get back to work.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Lenalee asked, apprehensive. “We don’t need lights on the second story. I doubt the twins can even see that high.”

Tiedoll waved her off. “I’m fine.”

“Well… I’m done resting too, so I guess I’ll come with you,” Daisya sighed, sounding put-upon as he downed some Coke and jumped up from his chair.

Lenalee didn’t see if they actually went back up to the roof, since at that moment, a clear plastic box containing mistletoe was unearthed from the shed. She made her excuses before slipping over. Without anyone noticing, Lenalee managed to recover several green-leafed objects from within, hiding them inside a cookie tin before she could attract too much attention.

The shed steps creaked as she stepped up inside, on the prowl for a ladder to use. Only, by then, she spotted a familiar bald head and dark figure in the shadows. Marie, clad in thick jeans and a snow jacket, was already inside sorting through them, no doubt looking for something better for icicle hanging.

“Hi, Marie,” she greeted. He turned, and as if sensing her friendly expression, grinned in response.

“Hello Lenalee.”

“Hey, do you have a minute to help me?”

Marie was very willing to help her. Or maybe he wasn’t, but he did a great job not showing it. And with his added height, he was able to sprinkle several of the sin-inducing pieces of vegetation over every doorway in the cabin and even in a few of the hallways. 

The most significant piece, however, was saved for last.

After Marie left, she took a moment to admire her work. The crucial mistletoe branch was affixed right on the edge of the porch eaves, dangling directly over the steps. Anyone who walked into the house it would get caught. She just had to make sure that her two targets were among those snared underneath.

She checked her watch. Twelve o’clock. Time for lunch.

And time to put her plan into motion.

Lenalee, shoulder-length hair secured with a tie, rushed into the kitchen for Jerry’s pre-arranged plate of sandwiches. She had to leave the tea behind, but the most crucial piece of bait was the food. And since Bookman’s cabin wasn’t equipped with a dinner bell, she quickly announced the sandwiches from the porch, arranging the plate on one of the outdoor metal tables.

Lenalee took her post on the porch and waited. 

Everything was set. The trap was laid. Her family members were already wrapping up their decorating projects, and no surprise, Allen was the first to get done, food doing an exceptional job motivating him to finish his work.

_Only…_

“Allen, where’s Kanda?”

The white-haired adult stopped at the bottom of the steps, making good on his manners by dusting snow off his boots before going further. His expression conveyed an eye-roll even if his swollen eye wouldn’t allow it, snarking, “Bakanda sent me in to get his food.”

“…Oh? Why’d he do that?”

Allen looked like he was about to snap something disdainful about Kanda’s lazy behavior but barely seemed to catch himself in time. “Ah, he’s just-”

“Moyashi.”

Oh, good. Kanda.

The man himself headed their way, long-sleeve shirt bunched up around his elbows and sweat glistening on his brow. The two of them were still the first to arrive, their other family members still finishing off lights and extension cords.

_Just a few more feet and then…_

“What, Bakanda?” Allen snapped, stopping at the top step, and sounding like he wasn’t yet past their little spar from yesterday.

“You took the box cutter.”

“Oh. Well, since you’re here,” he added, locating the object in his jacket pockets, “grab your lunch. I’ve got enough to carry for myself.”

“No. It’s your job.”

“Yeah, and it’s your food.”

Kanda opened his mouth, obviously about to snap something, back, when he was cut-off. “Hey Yuu, Allen! You two realize where you’re standing, right?” Lavi called from the front yard, simultaneously grabbing the attention of everyone nearby.

Everyone’s eyes – Allen and Kanda’s included – looked skyward to the mistletoe above their heads.

Ah, Lavi. What would she do without him?

Reever, busy bringing another box up to the doorway, let out a coy whistle. “Guess someone’s gonna try out Lenalee’s decorations early this year, huh?”

If all went well, yes, they would.

“Try it, Moyashi, and you’ll have another bruise to match your right eye.”

“Really? That’s what you said yesterday and look – still fine.”

Kanda’s jaw worked, obviously pissed. “You tried to put me in a choke hold.” _Wait, really?_ “What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“Not elbow me in the face! You nearly broke my nose!”

“You guys need to work on your verbal foreplay because that’s not helpin’ the mood,” Lavi teased.

Allen took a step forward, apparently about to make some kind of denial against any interest in kissing Kanda, only he didn’t get a chance.

Mostly because his freshly-cleaned boot hit a particularly slick piece of ice.

The British adult careened backward faster than Timcanpy could clean up a spilled breakfast, arms flailing for the closest object to support himself. Unfortunately, Kanda wasn’t expecting the octopus-like grip Allen fasted around his wrists, center of gravity already displaced from their recent stand-off. There was a brief moment were time seemed to freeze, both of them wearing the same _oh-shit_ expression before they were falling, Kanda landing right beside his arch nemesis with a hefty whap.

Neither adult was given a chance to roll off each other before a loud shout came from up above.

“Daisya, my boy! What happened to the- AAAHHHHHH!”

“Dad?!”

_Thunk_

_Thunk_

_Swshhhh_

_Thunk_

_Fwomp_

Tiedoll came sliding off the roof like a tossed frisbee, spread-eagle as his body spun once in the air before falling straight down, glasses flying off and mouth agape in horror. Much like the rest of them, watching as the grey-haired man finally landing with an _oomph_ in a (hopefully safe) pile of snow.

It was shortly after that when the roof started growling.

 _Wait…_ Growling?

_Oh no._

Lenalee didn’t get a chance to move before a loud rumble sounded from above. Suddenly, what looked like a waterfall of icy snow came sliding off the roof. Cold powder and freezing air buffered her in the face, the whole porch shaking, as all the snow accumulated from the last month finally came crashing to the ground.

And directly onto a petrified Allen and Kanda.

...

A few moments of silence while the assembled decorators processed exactly what they had just witnessed.

Just... why.

Of course Allen and Kanda had to fall down _right there_. It couldn't have been, like, a foot away, where they'd be clear from the mini-avalanche? Or Tiedoll could have stayed put, where it was safe, and not triggered the snow fall in the first place?

Not that it was his fault. Only Allen and Kanda's issues were to blame. And, really, she should have been worried about their safety. Maybe later she would be. But at the moment, all Lenalee could think was that yet another plan had failed. All because Allen and Kanda couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Distantly, she noticed Tiedoll had escaped the freezing mass. She saw him on the other side of the five-foot mound, not appearing any worse for wear as Daisya and Marie helped him to his feet.

It was around that time when a dark ponytail popped out of the snow pile.

Kanda was tall enough that everything above waist had escaped the mound. Allen, however, wasn’t quite so lucky; He only came up to the other's shoulders, chest barely visible and covered in so much snow he blended in with his hair. 

Kanda’s expression was borderline murderous (amazingly still menacing even with snow in his hair and powder across his nose). Allen, blissfully unaware, was too worried about the snow on his shoulders to notice. “What, you’re going to blame this on me now? That _wasn’t_ my fault! I don’t think you can reasonably hold me responsible for making it snow.”

_Wrong answer, Allen._

“You’re dead, Moyashi,” he snapped, wearing a look that didn’t bode well for Allen’s other eye.

“Oh yeah? Because we’re both stuck here, and unless you want to- Ow, Kanda, watch it! I’ve still got- AAHH! Help! Tim, Help!”

Did Allen survive? Probably. But she really had no idea, because Lenalee had quit paying attention. Not when all she could see was the failure of yet another plan.

There was no way Kanda and Allen would be kissing now.

It had failed. Not just failed. More like, horribly back-fired.

She couldn’t even be grateful for the frozen vegetables and bandages stocked in the house (which would definitely be needed by the time the two of them were done). Or think on the bright side, namely that Tiedoll had survived and no one else had started throwing punches.

Because Christmas was at stake. And so far, all her attempts to rectify it had just given her friends more excuses to almost-kill each other.

She was not going to let them ruin this Christmas. No way, no how. These two had out-maneuvered her for the last time.

It was time to get serious.

“Uh… Lena?”

“Hmm.”

“Are you… okay?”

“I will be.” It was just a matter of time.

“I don’t need to go kill anyone, do I?”

Lenalee actually seemed to consider it. “No need. I have another plan.”

“…What do you need me to do?”

Lenalee’s grin was so sickly-sweet Lavi almost cringed. He’d seen that look directed at people before, and they never survived to talk about it. “Follow me.”


End file.
